i no sinkalan you one...

Kung Fu Stances

2011-07-14T23:56:00.014+08:00

Last time when I was a kid, I used to play kungfu with my brother after watching those TVB kungfu drama. To avoid injuries, we chereographed our own movement so that none of us cry and the other one will kena wollap by parents. Nowadays, with so many kungfu movies, have you ever wonder, how practical are those moves if not carefully chereographed? Let's do some analysis:

1) Drunken fists

Wah this one if Jackie Chan do dem power. But, drunk oredi leh, still can fight meh? Oklah, alot of fights in the bar are started by those stupid drunkards. But most of the time it's cincai punch here and there or sometimes punching the air. In order to learn this you need to be like 68% drunk and 32% sober.. Hard leh.. Then after fight how to go home? Sure kena road block. Muka sial oredi and bau arak. Balik balai. Oh ya, it's religious unfriendly too!

Polis: Apesal muka sial dan bau arak?
Jackie: Oh, tadi gaduh, guna drunken fists!
Polis: Waseh terer!
Jackie: Jom, i tunjuk camna buat basic mia drunken fists.
Polis: Best jugak! Balai citer. Jom.

2) Mantis stance

Seriosly? Can a mantis fight? Imagine grasshopper. Not that 3 napeks la. Those green insects. Imitating the movement of a mantis can win ah? Most is just hopping away to some bushes and slowly hail a cab to go home watch tv.

Look at Kungfu Panda's Master Mantis. Not sure about you but I think anyone can just step on him anytime :P

3) Shaolin 18 bronze men

Ha! Nowadays to get 4 people sit down play mahjong also difficult and this still needs 18 fellas to fight together? What if 1 mc? Need to tell the opponents, 'sorry ah boss, 1 fella lausai can't come, can postpone ah?' Summore 18 fellas learn something together. What's the odd of success?

4) Snake stance

Can mimicking the snake movement with the hand wins? I know snake is dangerous but it's becos of the venom. Let's say the snake now got no venom la.. still dangerous meh? Worm is more dangerous becos can wriggle into your ear..

Maybe yes if your fingernails are like this.

If not how on earth will the opponent get scared with just the hand movements and some hissing sound?

5) Dragon stance

This one lagi dunno how.. Nobody sees a dragon before. Chinese dragon la.. not dinosaurs la. If nobody sees a dragon before, how they know how a dragon fight? And if really got dragon lah, normally the dragon fight with what? Ultraman?

6) Monkey stance

I dunno about you but when someone act like a monkey infront of me I will laugh. Imagine scratching head and butts and occasionally do a monkey sound. Oh, maybe this one can just prance onto the enemy when they are laughing! Aiyah, if got such skill better work in palm oil estate la. Petik kelapa sawit. More money.

So how? Which one you wanna learn?

ps: this is for entertainment purposes only. if you know any of the mentioned stances and can kill with just one punch, dun look for me.

Got Sifatt!!

2011-01-21T17:50:00.001+08:00

Dun be so hamsap, it's just that girl's in white singlet geh armpit jek ok!

Emergency Flowchart

2010-12-27T21:38:00.005+08:00

Okla okla.. since u guys always say this blog provides useless info, here is something useful k..

Next time you know wht to do during emergency.

Dun say anymore this blog is useless ya!

How crappy..

Adios!

credit: that chart is taken from this website.

Wot iz dis..?

2010-11-26T11:14:00.004+08:00

I saw this in FB. Someone is selling (or providing service) on the mini stage for malay weddings (called pelamin)..

One glance I tot this is a chinese graveyard.. :(

How crappy..

Adios.

Crappy

2010-11-25T11:18:00.000+08:00

I've got alot of stuff to write but dunno where to start..

How crappy..

Adios.

My Friend, Stiff

2010-09-27T11:22:00.001+08:00

Once upon a time..

After my form 5, me and a few friends went to work temporarily while waiting for our SPM results. The office is not really huge, but that time was their peak period. So they got a few temp staff to clear off their work. While working, we got to know another temp staff by the name of Steve. Steve is 2 yrs older than us and he is waiting for his STPM result.

Since Steve is just about our age, he joined us for lunch every day and somehow we were like buddies.

One day, one of my friends asks him, ‘So Steve, actually I wanted to ask you this question forever. Your name is spelt S-T-E-V-E, or S-T-I-F-F?’

Steve felt abit weird, and replied, ‘S-T-E-V-E la… where got ppl name STIFF one? D’uh!!’ (not exact word but something like that). We were all laughing, not sure at my friend’s stupid question, or Steve’s reaction of being asked a stupid question.

Now fast forward 15 years later..

Steve, if you are reading this…

REALLY GOT PEOPLE NAME STIFF ONE OK!!!

Clarification: The one who asked that question is NOT me!

See, I where got sinkalan you?

Siao!

2010-09-17T15:28:00.003+08:00

The other day as usual I am hanging around with my buddies at my area. Then suddenly came 2 strangers seated nearby us. One guy and one girl. The girl mumbles something to that guy after seeing us and both giggles. Siao.

The guy use his finger and pointed at me. And move his finger, like instructing me to follow him. He think what? We stupid ah? Just use your finger and point point thinking we will follow? Siao.

Then the girl pointed at my friend, saying his eye is fake. What fake? My friend’s eye is a bit bigger but how can she be so insensitive and says his eye is fake? Siao.

After a while, they started eating. At first, it’s ok as they are just eating lump of rice but later we realized they are eating something funny inside the rice! We can sense what they are eating is so wrong! This is outrageous!! Siao!

They are eating our relatives :(

This is most likely what that red fish thinks while we chomped down the sushi next to that aquarium..

Eh, I no sinkalan you one ok.

How crappy.

Adios.

Model?

2010-09-07T16:04:00.007+08:00

These days with the popularity of DSLR cameras, suddenly everyone is a photographer. And because of this, there are alot of models as well. See FB, once a while there will be people publishing their work, either from aspiring photographers, or aspiring models. Even in dailychilli website, there is a section dedicated to self-proclaimed models.

But hor, the point I wanna stress is... those models in dailychilli damn sad la.. Below are a few photos i nicked from there...
What kind of pose is this leh? Nice meh? Looks like she is in the midst off pulling her head of in a horror movie..

Then this guy..

Don't have enough photo to post? A caricature? Think this is a comic book audition meh?

This girl lagi funny..

Can see the face ah? Photo like this also can be published as model? Wo de tian ah.....

Tell me, what happened to kick ass photos like this one? This is what we called Real Model ok!

How crappy..

Adios!

ps: to all the models up there, if you happen to read this, nothing personal ok.. it's just that the photos are ugly. what? criticism leads to improvement ma..!

Raya Songs

2010-08-17T15:32:00.002+08:00

Year in year out, the same old Raya Songs. Balik Kampung la.. what else? Yoh, all the regulars la! Boring!

This year why not the local artists do some cover version of international songs with some Raya mood? Here are a few I can think of:

1) Ampun Is The Hardest Word: oa Elton John
2) Sirap In A Bottle: oa Christina Aguilera
3) Always Raya: oa Bon Jovi
4) Raya Don’t Cry: oa Fergie
5) I Just Call To Say Slamat Hari Raya: oa Stevie Wonder
6) Lemang Tree: oa Fool’s Farden
7) Hot and Cold Cincau: oa Katy Perry
8) Kurma California: oa The Eagles
9) Every Morning Syawal: oa Sugar Ray
10) Salam 25 Minutes: oa MLTR

oa=original artist

With songs like this, Raya will rawks!

Yusof Tileessss...

2010-08-16T15:40:00.001+08:00

If you happens to listen to radio, especially English channel, there is this annoying ads with background of lounge music and a deep male voice naming different type of supreme quality dates and then a women voice whispering ‘Yusof Tiles’ at an interval of every 2 seconds. WTF on earth is a tiles company selling dates for Ramadhan??

The answer is, the ads is from Yusof Tayoob, a well known food importer, exporter and distributor (nick’d from Yuta’s website). So the woman’s voice is actually whispering Yusof Tayoob instead of Yusof Tiles.. But let me listen again. Is it Tiles of Tayoob… Aiyoh, whisper properly la…

Aiyah, I no sinkalan you one la...

Miracles

2010-08-12T10:18:00.002+08:00

Remember this news?

I think we will know what happened next year when the suicide note miraculously appear to save the day.

Miracles do happens when there is no answer.

How crappy..

Adios!

My Strepsils

2010-07-09T15:20:00.001+08:00

Is Strepsils a sweet?
When you see your fren got a pack of Strepsils, will you ask for one?

Yesterday I was having a bad sore throat. So I went to a shop nearby and got myself a pack of Strepsils. Then a colleague saw and say, ‘Eh, got sweets. Can I have 1?’

I was a bit reluctant to spare because I need all the 6 of them for my sore throat. But not to offend him, I just pass him 1.

Strepsils is not a sweet ok! It’s a sore throat medicine. And it cost a freaking 50 sen each.

Do you ask for a Panadol from your friend when you see him eating one?

D’uh!

In the 80s..

2010-03-30T11:12:00.002+08:00

In the 80s, there is something stupid called TV license. If you have a TV, you have to pay the annual license fees. I remember last time when we heard some strangers knocking on our neighbors doors, we will go and see if they are from the government checking on the TV license. Normally they are 2-3 malays going from door to door at our flats. If this happens, my mum will panic and close the door as if no one is at home. I think once she even hide our small tv in the cupboard. But mostly, it’s false alarm. Come on, who so stupid go and pay for such license?

There were also conman who came by saying they are from the government, need to do fogging at RMxx per house. Or checking on the gas tube for safety and compliance with government regulatory. Or selling pots at unbelievable cheap price but then with string attached. Last time where got internet to check all this. Some aunties will fall into the traps of this conjobs. My mum also kena conned into buying a set of useless pots!

Besides checking on TV license, we are often raided by sales people. There are people selling all sort of stuff from house to house that time. Got a man sell detergent, one lady sell bras, one old man come and sharpen all your knives and scissors, people asking for donations, one man selling butter buns, a lady come and collect old clothes and 1 guy even sells Loufuji! My favorite is the Indian rotiman. He will park his motor and put the bread on a big cardboard box and walk around the flat, yelling ‘Roti…’, ‘Roti….’ Sometimes, we will go to his motor and curi some Mamee..

Those were the days when I was a kid, where there is not much to think about and live a carefree happy life with other kids at the flats…

Gulagulaku

2010-03-24T10:08:00.004+08:00

Sejak zaman purba lagi, gula-gula kesukaanku adalah Hudson's perisa buah pala. Gula-gula ini sedap sehingga tak terkata. Rasanya manis dan wangi seumpama buah pala jeruk yang dibeli dari Pulau Pinang. Dulu, gula-gula ini dapat dibeli 10 sen untuk 3 biji. Alangkah murah barangan masa itu. Fikir kembali pun gembira sakan.

Seperti biasa, lama-kelamaan barangan murah dan berlambak mudah dilupakan. Kehadiran gula-gula lain di pasaran telah mengubah hidupku ke haluan yang berbeza. Aku mula memberanikan diri mengeksplorasi gula-gula yang lain. Tahun demi tahun, Hudson's perisa buah pala semakin dilupakan.

Tetapi, apabila aku sedari yang rasa buah pala itu telah lama tidak dirasai, aku mula mencari gula-gula itu yang dulu menjadi sebahagian dari hidupku. Tatapi malang tidak berbau, gula-gula itu telah lenyap di pasaran. Gerai Muniandy yang aku selalu beli gula-gula telah dirobohkan. Pasaraya besar seperti Gergasi, 4Kereta dan Teksko pun tidak menjual gula-gula itu lagi. Kesengsaraanku tidak dapat dieksplain dengan kata..

Pada suatu hari, aku menceritakan kekesalan hidupku kepada salah seorang rakan sekerja. Rakan sekerjaku ini adalah penaja gula-gula dalam opisku. Tempat duduk dia berlambak dengan gula-gula. Setiap kali aku jalan lepas dia punya tempat, aku akan petik sebiji gula-gula (kadang-kala 2 biji bergantung kepada moodku masa tu)..

Beberapa hari kemudian, rakan sekerjaku ini datang ke tempat dudukku. Dan dia menghulurkan segenggam gula-gula Hudson's perisa buah pala kepadaku. Alangkah gembiranya aku apabila dapat merasai gula-gula itu sekali lagi. Perasaanku masa itu adalah macam jumpa duit dalam kocek seluar jeans aku yang belum dibasuh pada hujung bulan...

Menurut rakan sekerjaku, dia tanya penjual gula-gula dia itu dan hakikatnya adalah, Hudson's tidak lagi memanufaktur gula gula perisa buah pala lagi. Tetapi, dia masih ada simpat sikit stok lama. Ini bermakna gula-gula perisa buah pala itu adalah yang terakhir di dunia yang zalim ini.

Kini, aku akan lebih mengtreasure gula-gula ini dan akan menghayati detik detik terakhir ini sebab aku faham, gula-gula ini tidak akan hadir di hidupku selapas ini buat selama-lamanya..

Selamat tinggal Hudson's perisa buah pala. Kehadiranmu akan sentiasa di hatiku..

*open a pack of Fisherman's Friend while the rest of the Nutmeg sweets lies idle at the corner of my desk*

LOL!!

How crappy..

Adios!

Priority Fails

2010-02-24T21:22:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, our local news is really funny.

Read this: Actress happy to be home but hopes family will accept Indonesian spouse

In a nutshell, this teenage girl returned from Indonesia and her husband is still in Indonesia (whatever reasons, tak tau). She is 15 yrs old, 6th months pregnant.

Her father says, 'I am upset because she did not even finish her PMR examination. I want her to complete her SPM examination..'

Hello? We have a bigger problem here ok! What PMR exam? Uncle, your daughter had been raped and is under-aged! And she eloped with an Indonesian. And the reason he can't come to Malaysia could be he is a criminal or previously a illegal immigrant?

Where is the law?

How crappy..

Adios!

Who so GILA?

2010-02-04T12:10:00.004+08:00

Guess ha.. The 7% of those who thinks the bank shouldn't subsidise the RM50 tax from where?

A) No credit cards
B) Bankruptcy due to credit cards
C) Bank CEOs
D) School Kids
E) Old Folks
F) Mat Rempits
G) Ah Longs
H) Tourists
I) All the above

How crappy..

Adios!

*results from thestar, the paper that only report one sided story.

Wahlan!

2010-01-26T15:24:00.002+08:00

The other day, we bought 2 starter packs from True Fitness at less than rm40 each with unlimited visits to the gym for a month and 6 (or 4? lupa) sessions of Bikram Yoga. On top of that, there is a free voucher to try their back massage at True Spa.

So, on that fateful day, we called up an appointment at True Spa Jaya 33 to try their free massage.

Upon arrival, we were being introduced to the products and services they are offering as expected. Nothing is free ok. That takes about 45 minutes. Ok, then we realized that free massage only last for 30 minutes. But before we get the massage, the salesgirl brought us around the spa facilities to have a look at their massage rooms etc. The girl says something like this ‘you just come here, have a tea, everything is arranged for you. Have a dip at the *dunno what stupid bath*, then proceed to the shower and then to the massage. Wahlan!’ *show her thumbs* Since we are not really interested, we just follow her aimlessly trying hard to be interested without yawning.

At last, it’s our turn for the massage. That 30 minutes massage passed like 10 minutes.

We came out, and she is waiting for us again, trying to sell. Ok, fine. It’s her job. We just sit through again and this is where shit happens.

After explaining and telling us that we need to commit RM4,000+ (RM388 x 12) a year, we wanted to leave. Who the f*ck in the sane mind will commit RM4k+ for a spa just because of the 30 minutes or so back massage? Anyway, to be polite I just explained to her properly that I am not interested in this and going to the spa is not my lifestyle. I will consider if this is a gym package (but not la RM4k+ a year) but not a spa package. And the reason I am here is because of that stupid voucher I got in that gym pack. I think I got use the word stupid.

Then she counter offer, asking me other shitty questions and how much I am willing to pay? I can name the price? RM38.80 lor! She laughs it off. Then I further explains that it is impossible if she wants me to sign up anything today. The best is, I can think about it. She says after I left the place, I will not give it a second thought. Oklor, then I say I am NOT INTERESTED lor! Then we stand up and wanted to go but she says the most out of the world thingy… ‘You all cannot leave just like that..’

W…T…F..??

What else you want from me? I don’t want to buy anything.

We don’t care anymore. Rude or not, we are leaving. Then she asks us to wait just another while so that she take something for us. I asked her issit brochures and she nods her head. To be nice, we just waited for a while so that she can close our case properly.

2 minutes later, she came out from the office with 2 pieces of paper. She asked us for 6 referrals from each of us so that she can call our friends.

We just say bye and walk towards the lift, 2 hours later just for that pathetic ‘30 minutes’ back massage.

And the best part, they did not even collect the vouchers from us. Anyone wanna have a 30 minutes back massage?

Note to True Spa Jaya 33: This is what we called ‘Overly Hard Sell’ and this is irritating like shit.
Note to True Fitness: Don’t slot in all these rubbish into the packs that we need to buy. Now I am skeptical on joining your gym.

How crappy..

Adios.

Science and Religion

2010-01-19T13:50:00.004+08:00

Picking up from the 2012 phenomenon, the end of the world...

There are many scientific arguments that 2012 will not happen becasue the whatever axis or whatsnot will not move in the next 100000 years etc..

I for one do not believe that 2012 is real but can we predict the end of the world based on science? Or religion? Or the Mayans? Or anything yang sewaktu dengannya?

If science is so kengchao, why no one can calculate the earthquake fury in Haiti? If religion is so easy to interprete, why there is so much hooha on just 1 word? If the prophecy of the Mayans is so accurate, why the only thing we know about the Mayans is the end of the world?

I think the world will come to an end someday, without anyone knowing. Not even science or religion can tell. It will come.

*put on a mortarboard and lite a ciggy and look deep into the sky*

*then eat char kuey teow*

How crappy..

Adios!

Golden Words

2010-01-10T11:03:00.002+08:00

Came across this picture in yesterday's paper..

'TREAT OTHERS IN THE WAY THAT THEY WISH TO BE TREATED!!!'

Isn't this bring the meaning of hypocrisy to another whole new level?

How crappy..

Adios!

Merry Christmas Everyone!!

2009-12-24T11:02:00.000+08:00

Will You Sing?

2009-12-15T15:29:00.001+08:00

Everyday, my collegue listen to the radio softly. And for the past few weeks, every afternoon, there is this competiton where callers will call in to sing. But I am not sure what competition is that..

Anyway, whenever someone sings through the radio, we were like 'ewww.. why la.. dem torturous wei...'

But then I asked her, how much is the offer will u sing through the radio? She says dunno.. 1000 bucks maybe?

So, how much do you think is the prize only u will open ur golden mouth to sing through a radio..?

How crappy..

Adios.

WWJD?

2009-12-08T20:43:00.001+08:00

That day the tea lady asked me if it's ok if she picks up my dirty mug in the evening and wash it because she sees me washing my mug in the pantry every morning..

Of koz I agree sampai vomit rice..

So now, i just leave my mug on my desk and in the morning, will skip happily to the pantry to collect back my mug to enjoy my daily coffee of the day.

The question is...

She is in the pantry every morning. Should I rinse my mug in front of her again? Not to say I dun trust her la, but just in case...

How..?

Wonderful World of Internet

2009-11-24T20:27:00.006+08:00

NOTE: This is NOT a pay post or anything yang sewaktu dengannya.

Imagine.

There is a great sales tomorrow. Coach bag, new arrival 90% discount! Keith and whatever shoes, 90% discounts! Blackberry, RM100 each, no commitment fees! Burberry warehouse sales, everything must go! LV closing down sales!

I am sure you will go and join the madness. BUT! Stuff like this, please expect people to line up at 3am before the shop opens. This is how crazy people are. I remember last time when Krispy Kreme started in Time Square, there is an offer that the 1st customer will get a lifetime supply of doughnuts. And 1 girl really start queuing up like more than 24 hrs to be the 1st customer.

Anyway, this problem is now solved! Let me introduce.... queuing up services!! Imagine, when you need something important and there is a long queue expected, just submit your request and at a fee, someone will queue up for you. So, when the time come, you can just stroll to the line leisurely and take the place reserved for you, maybe the 1st in line! Too bad the service now only applies in Washington area. Btw, I think this is a great business opportunity! Now I need some free college students who wants to earn some extra bucks..

Imagine!

You are farming in the office (dun pretend la, you know what i am talking about one..) and someone walk to your cubicle and start talking about his hobby in collecting Starwars figurines. Or while eating a Big Mac and your best friend come up to you and talk about financial planning.

I am sure time like this, you need someone to give u a call and then you give a gesture that you are not free to talk now because you need to attend an important call. A call that can save your life or even more important, money in situations like this.

This problem is now solved! Let me introduce... a call that can help you to escape!! Buy the software and then just a click on the icon and your phone will ring. How handy can this be? At a small fee, this service can really be a life saver..

Now, who says internet is full of junks??

How crappy..

Adios!

Aiwan Nobaldi Butchew

2009-11-09T22:02:00.006+08:00

Did you catch the 'Nobody But You' virus by the oh-so-pweety Wonder Girls?

This song seems like so popular now. Quick search in Youtube you can find a handful of akuas dancing to this song and even children!

The song is so catchy and I bet you wanna sing-along but you can't because it's in Korean. Let me do the dirty work.

I have written down the lyrics based on my own hardwork. Go on, sing it loud loud!

Aiwan nobaldi nobaldi butchew

Nander salah more chido

Nika ani more chido

Aiwan nobaldi nobaldi nobaldi nobaldi

Nansi rundeh wei nal mirandeh

Yogo hani chap koo

Naha run jian koo

Wei yirapkeh

Narun jiareh keh

Nal boreyor hani

Eteko irony

Nal wihar kiriotan kiuma

Mumu bujokan daneon kiuma

Ijen kiumarit nor

Taru naru anja wei

Wonhajido anniugeo kongyo hair

Aiwan nobaldi nobaldi butchew

Nander salah more chido

Nika ani more chido

Aiwan nobaldi nobaldi nobaldi nobaldi

Aiwan nobaldi nobaldi butchew

Nander salah more chido

Nika ani more chido

Aiwan nobaldi nobaldi nobaldi nobaldi

Nan juhondeh nan hiong bakan deh

Normani senyum dei

Deo barang ineondeh

Nugu manaseo ibukala noyeo

Nor bunaso heng buka soloso

Nal wihar kiriotan kiuma

Mumu bujokan daneon kiuma

Mari nan doyon mari ran goyoyon lah

Neon kasi bokeh bokeh

Aiwan nobaldi nobaldi butchew

Nander salah more chido

Nika ani more chido

Aiwan nobaldi nobaldi nobaldi nobaldi

Aiwan nobaldi nobaldi butchew

Nander salah more chido

Nika ani more chido

Aiwan nobaldi nobaldi nobaldi nobaldi

Aiyah, ending part cincai sing la.. I listen until got 8 ears oredi.

How crappy.

Adios!

Yummy Tarts!

2009-11-02T21:37:00.004+08:00

This is a story relates to me by my friend about her boss in Singapore:

One day, her boss brought in a jar of yummy pineapple tarts, offering to the team during Hari Raya. The team were very happy becos the tarts are dem delicious. The next day, whole jar went missing!

Everyone realised the jar was missing but nobody asked anything until few days later, the boss walked pass the snacks corner (where she put the delicious jar of pineapple tarts). She told the team that she already brought home the tarts (wtf?). She wanna let her sister have a taste of it. And her sister likes it very much! So her sister offers a piece of it to her doggie. And the doggie practically licking the crumbs dry! Seeing the doggie likes it so much, her sister then feed the whole jar to the doggie (wtf-f-f-f-f).

Everyone in the team went oookaayyyyyyyy............

Yes, the boss and her sister are single ladies, except already expired. You know what I mean..?

How crappy..

Adios.

Are We There Yet?

2009-10-27T10:55:00.004+08:00

Aisay.. with all the campaigns of 1 this 1 that, I can still see these glaring at me everyday on the way to work..

Spotted this at one of the arm-no branch. I have a deep thought on this but better not write it here. Just can say this is 'Memalukan Bangsa Sendiri'..

This one is clearly drawing the line again between bumi and non bumi.

Nothing new la hor..? Are we still on the way to 1Maraysia onot..?

How crappy..

Adios.

Time Waster 2.1

2009-10-19T21:09:00.007+08:00

I just found a new way to waste some time!

It's ROFLRAZZI!! Click here!

That site will allow you to put caption on the photos provided. My favorite is to caption using those motivation posters style. There are 3 other templates you can do it. Aiyah, go to that site to find out lah. This post is to show you some of my proud masterpiece!

Am I talented, or am I talented?

How crappy..

Adios!

Sometimes..

2009-10-16T23:34:00.002+08:00

With all these mess in my head, sometimes I secretly wish that I'll never wake up in the morning..

Really Got One!

2009-09-15T15:36:00.005+08:00

The other day we were having our dinner at this place in Penang called Bukit Genting. Bukit + Genting. Both powerful high words. If you think it's related to Genting Group, you either fail BM or hardcore gambler.

Anyway, Bukit Genting is a Thai Restaurant located uphill in Penang. Exactly where leh, dun ask me lah. Try asking Mr Google ya :)

In my humble opinion, the food is so-so jek. But the scenery is breathtaking. Sorry ah, we went at nite, dinner time. That time oredi dark dark take picture also no use becos we only have a compact camera with us. But the point of this post is not about food and scenery. It's about....

Snakes.

Tell me lah. When you see this signboard, what do you think?

There are snakes in front, right?

Wrong lor. The arrow up literally means.. UP. So, when you look up, you can see...

And no, that's not a moon.

Yeah, snakes all chillin' out on the net.

Nearby the trees also got a few baby snakes hangin' around. Beware if anything drop on your head.. It's not always tree leaves.

Imagine while walking halfway something drop on your head, and u grab it and see, it's a snake. Happy onot?

Near the cashier is a caged baby phython.

You can ask them to bring it out for a closer look.

Cute doe sei.

How crappy..

Adios.

Politeness

2009-09-07T15:10:00.004+08:00

See that guy with a chair? Knowing his friend in front is in a deep discussion, he carries a chair for him to sit.

This is the way to go!

Help each other and be polite.

Contohilah amalan mulia.

How crappy..

Adios.

Cheers!

2009-08-25T09:08:00.003+08:00

Not sure if I am stupik or what.. Sometimes I just can't understand..

I am refering to the lady who was sentensed to be whipped and she wanted it to be whipped publicly, for drinking beer. Her offence was drinking beer. Drinking beer! DRINKING BEER!

Now, my question.

Is drinking beer a crime? Yes, it's forbidden by her religion, but, is it a crime? If her religion disallowed it, then let God deals with her when her time is up. Telling lies and taking bribes is forbidden by the religion as well. Do we see anyone whipped publicly for telling lies and taking bribes?

Theft/robbery/rapes/murder/etc are forbids by religion and by country law as well. It's fair to punish the offender. But drinking beer? I know police will arrest muslim who is not fasting during ramadhan. Again, is ponteng puasa a crime? Let's God deal with them! Who are we to judge another person for not doing things according to religious law?

I am not a religious scholar but I know there is a verse in the bible that says:

And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, "Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her." - John 8:7

We are living amongst hypocrites and God wannabes.

Not sure if I am stupik or what.. Sometimes I just can't understand..

Adios.

How crappy.

Names vs Names

2009-08-19T10:08:00.003+08:00

Recently I have a friend who converted to Muslim as she is about to marry a Malay guy. So, she changed her name to a Malay name, keeping her surname at the back.

I was thinking. How come chinese need to adopt a malay (or muslim?) name when converted to muslim but I have some malay friends who name their kids Daniel, Ian, Aaron etc?

I mean what is the significance or the ruling of names for muslim? Is there any? I have a malay friend in Spore who dropped the word 'binti' on the names of his daughters. Can or not ah in Malaysia?

Let say Razak got a son, and he decided to drop the word 'bin' in the name. He name his son Daniel. So, his son will be called Daniel Razak. Then later Daniel married and got a daughter and he name his daughter Pricilla. So, his daughter will be called Pricilla Daniel?

So, next time Pricilla Daniel is a malay and Nuraini Abdullah is a chinese?

Confusing doe sei!

How crappy..

Adios.

We Are Damn Proud Of You

2009-08-02T11:56:00.000+08:00

Reading the newspaper this morning about a new hero really makes all of us proud.

This is Mr Khai.rul whatever.

His achievement is delivering the pro-ISA memorandum to the palace. And he achieved it without any problem.

Way to go man! You manage to geth through the high security of the army/police/SDU. You make us proud!

By the way, just curious. Mr Khai.rul whatever, what is the relevancy of the ISA and the mempertahankan hak whatever on your T-shirt? Got jive ah both issues?

On a separate note, just watched Johnny Depp's Public Enemy. Quite good the movie.

How crappy.

Adios.

ps: initially i wanna put mr khai.rul's pic here due to his heroism. but on second thought, why waste bandwidth, right?

The Perils of 2 Sizes

2009-07-27T09:15:00.004+08:00

I am sure this happens to you before. Dilemma. Fickle-minded. Crossroads..

Nolah.. Not any major decision but the choice between 2 sizes. Like Gunipok can't decide on her XXL or XXXL dress. Or Winn can't decide on her RM500 or RM50 bag. Anyway, the story is liddis..

That day I went to get a pair of shoes. Sales time is the best time to buy work apparels. So my selection was down to one nice pairs which doesn't have my size. Bummer!

Then I look around and saw another almost similar pair. The salegirl brought me 2 sizes, 8 and 9. I put on 8. Fits perfectly. I try 9. More comfortable. 8 or 9? 8 or 9? 8 or 9?

Try 8 again. Try 9 again. Can't decide as both doesn't make alot of difference. The salesgirl waited patiently. Ok, final decision. Size 9.

So the salesgirl proceed to pack my shoes and leave it on the cashier while we proceed to shop for other stuff. Finally we were done and proceed to make payment. The end.

No!

I went home and unpack my shoes and guess what..?!
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-

Both left side with 1 size 8 and 1 size 9.

Leiloemei!

How crappy!

Adios.

My Lurve Affair With...

2009-07-16T08:59:00.005+08:00

It was a Saturday afternoon when we wander on what to snack in the cinema later. Then I saw my Lurve!

It was lurve at first sight. The packing and the color, oh, so captivating. French Onion.. Anything French is good. Seaweed Mori.. Sounds Japanese.. Anything Japanese is sophisticated. So, I grabbed the 2 packs of Lurve, happily skipping to the cashier.

BUT!

We pass thru Pringles! What should I do? One is ‘Once you pop, you can’t stop’, and the other one is just a hype like you see it in every blog. Decisions.. Decisions..

To be fair to both, I put both together to compare.

Old timer Pringles.. Sour Cream & Onion, Basil and Garlic. Sounds healthy! Vegetables! Vegetables is good for health and bowel movements.

Newcomer Lurve now looks so small and pale. French Onion? France got H1N1 hor? Seaweed Mori? Wow, look at the sea pollution! Oil spills etc. No way I am touching the seaweed.

The final decision is out. Sorry Lurve, Pringles will go into the cinema with me.

What no outside food allowed in the cinema? They got sell the sedaps Pringles meh?

How crappy..

Adios!

Note: No Pringles or Lurve were harm during the selection process. But hearsay Lurve commited suicide 2 days later. Not my fault.

Jokes Overdosed

2009-07-02T14:00:00.001+08:00

Too much jokes is bad. Seriously.

I used to read a lot of jokes. During my younger days when I am damn free in the office (not sure the nature of the job is so free or I dunno what I am doing), I used to surf websites that update jokes on a daily basis. I even copy and past the funny ones on a Words doc and compile it, and print it out. I have 2 self-compiled jokes book now. What? Jokes got copyright one meh>? Chiseen.

Then Facebook came along and there is this application called ‘LOL’. It’s like a forum where people post their jokes and the rest will rate it. Some got a really funny one. I used to read that everyday for a few minutes before I start work. Well, starting the day with a few jokes is always better than starting the day reading sad stories from the newspaper, right?

Anyway, back to my point. Why is too much jokes is bad.

I read so much jokes, it came to a point that every joke that my friends crack, I’ve read before. And you dun really laugh at jokes that you’ve read before. Thus, either I be an asshole and says ‘theang gor jor la (listen before)’ or, fake a laugh. For not being an asshole, I opted for the latter. Do you know how torturous is it to pretend a laugh? Pretend a smile is easy. We do everyday. But pretend to laugh is not easy; especially the person who cracks the jokes is your boss.

Oklah, to end this post, have you heard of this joke before:

Lifeguard blows whistle.

Lifeguard: Hey, you are not supposed to pee in the pool..!
Guy : *look up* Why not? Everyone is doing it!
Lifeguard: Yes, but not from the springboard!

How crappy..

Adios.

Jom Lunch

2009-06-25T08:52:00.002+08:00

It’s liddis. Yesterday la.. I was ~~snaking~~ taking a break walking around the cafeteria about 10am, I heard someone yelled my name from the other end. I was panic at first because it’s like you went to the canteen not during recess time and caught by someone. Last time in school right, going to the canteen before recess time is very good. No queue and can sit anywhere I like..

Ok, let’s not sidetrack and back to my setori. It’s my ex-colleague. He’s having a meeting in the building. We had a short chat and he suggested to have lunch together later to catch up. Oklah, since long time no see. So, about 1230 he sms me saying he is already in the cafeteria.

I bid my normal lunch kaki farewell and proceed to the cafeteria. He waved at me from an empty table. So I took my seat and he says that 2 of his colleagues will be joining us..

Waseh, once the 2 colleagues sat down hor, the 3 of them start talking about work, their meetings, issues etc.. I just sat there listening to stuff which is not relevance to me at all! Once a while i just gave a no-brainer comment.

Then after makan, he says if I have something on then I can go 1st.

Tamader, next time dun ever ask me go lunch if you are in this building..

How crappy..

Adios.

First Day at School

2009-06-17T23:59:00.003+08:00

School holidays are finally over..

I woke up with a messy hair at 630am. Dragging myself to the bathroom to wash up.

Thanks mum for the sandwiches which is a life saver. Breakfast is very important to start off the day, especially it's a day of studies.

I checked my bag again to make sure everything is there. It's not a good thing to leave anything behind on the first day.

Upon reaching the classroom, I greeted my classmates Good Morning. I wanna be a good boy now. I wanna be a polite boy. I wanna get A for Moral.

When the teacher came in, I wished her Good Morning too. She is happy. Then she proceeds with her lesson, explaining to me whatever I am unsure.

Few hours later is recess time. My classmates asked me to join them for makan. Since I am new, I decided to follow them, and to catch up with them on whatever that I've been missing.

After makan, back to classroom for further lessons. The clock is ticking very slowly. But it comes to the end finally. I bid my classmates and teacher goodbye and went home, feeling tired.

That was basically what happend today as my first day at WORK. By the way, please re-read the above by replacing teacher with manager, classmates with colleagues and classroom with office.

Tengkiu berry much.

How crappy..

Adios!

Time is Bad. Serious.

2009-05-24T23:17:00.005+08:00

It's funny.

The news shows hundreds of people queuing up for a job openings for 10 persons.

Newspaper reports that the job fair attracts thousands of unemployed but still hundreds left with no jobs.

Factories laid off thousands of employees.

Crimes rate rocketing.

Cost cutting. Plants shutting down. Foreign companies cutting their investments here. Allowances cut. Wages cut.

But in reality..

Crocs is crowded.

Premium Japanese buffet is fully booked for the next few months.

Shopping malls is packed.

No signs of property price dropping.

More Ferraris and Porches on the road.

More houses are built on the high end.

So tell me. Is time really bad?

Actually, IT IS!

=
=
=
=
=
=
=
=
=
=
=
=
=

See lah.. Mall's buggy mia tyres also gone.

Time to tighten our belts and prepare for the bad time.

How crappy.

Adios.

Not My Fault!

2009-05-13T11:16:00.003+08:00

'Eh, go la..'

'Nolah, cannot yet..'

'Can oredi la, just go..'

'Nolah, still not ok, wait a bit more..'

'No need wait.. CAN GO oredi...'

'Dangerous leh, see properly first..'

'See what see? Late jor la..'

'If got police how?'

'Police your head. JUST GO!'

'Ok ok.. no need to shout..'

'So mafan next time take bus'

That was my left brain arguing with my right brain..

Saw this traffic light at the junction near my house.

You tell me lah, liddis go or no go?

Sometimes when I'm late, it's not always my fault ok..

How crappy..

Adios.

What If One Day..

2009-04-20T09:21:00.011+08:00

..you lost your sight..?

Yesterday instead of hanging around the shopping centers to hunt for discounted stuff, we did something meaningful. Not to say hanging around shopping centers is not meaningful ok, especially there a sales going on..

We attended the Blind Leading The Blind Charity Walk organised by the Lions Club.

It's like this. One person will be blindfolded and will be led by another person, walking on real roads experiencing the challenges faced by the visually impaired persons. It's not a race, just a 3km walk around the PJ Civic Center area.

But still have to register and get a number though..

The walk should be starting at 730am. Malaysians being Malaysians, 730am means 8am.

There were about 1500+ people participating (according to reliable source). The crowds inclusive adults, veterans, kids, school children, women, men, healthy and visually impaired persons.

We started off with me being blindfolded. At first of course I am not comfortable walking blindly although with a guide. And she always gives wrong information, asking me to skip la, jump la, turn here and there la, even on a straight empty road. Instead of giving her a shadow back kick, we decided to swap.

Me, being a professional guide managed to lead her comfortably to quite a distance, maybe 1km. Then swap back again. While I was being blindfolded, the road seems to be more challenging. 'Take a step up the pavement. Ok, now a step down the pavement. Wait, another pavement, step up. Ok, now down again..'

I was thinking, wei.. kidding me or what, how come so many pavements one suddenly?

You see lah, people all walking on the main road while I were being led up and down the same pavements dunno how many times.

After shadow kicking her, we decided to try something more challenging. Both blindfolded. And this is really the blind leading the blind. Every step is dangerous.

After 2-3 minutes, we dropped the idea..

From there we swap and swap and swap few more times and finally we reached the finishing line.

What I have learnt from this blind walk.

1) The distance is much longer when you can't see.
2) Every step could be fatal. Imagine walking into a drain, or tripping on a pavement, or trying to cross a road.
3) When one sense is off, the other will be more sensitive. I can smell the filthy drain is nearby. Or food stalls. Or a car is coming.
4) Sight is very valuable. Take care of your eyes.
5) Our roads are not blind-friendly at all..
6) The most trusted person guiding you could be the one leading you into a drain.

So, the next time u see a visually impared person wanna cross the road or something, just lend a helping hand ya..

p/s: this will be better if organised in a park in the evening or at the beach, maybe Port Dickson.. so that participants can enjoy the greeneries or the sound of the waves while being blindfolded.. schweeettt...

How crappy..

Adios.

Allo, Ladio Dijeh ah..?

2009-04-02T23:45:00.000+08:00

Before we go back to Krabi, let's take some stuff off my chest..

While driving home late last nite, there was this girl who sms-ed the radio station with her problem. Her problem is something like this:

"She got to know a guy from the internet. He is asking for sexual favors. She says cannot because she already has a boyfriend. The guy says he doesn't mind. So she is asking the DJ what she should do because the guy is very persistent.."

Then there is this guy whose problem is as follows:

"He graduated from university 6 months ago and didn't find any job. Instead, his daily activities are eat, sleep and watch tv. He finds this is very meaningless and wanted to commit suicide.."

The answer from the DJ of course is very nice and give his advice is a very proper manner. Sometimes I do wonder if the DJ did roll their eyes and wish they could just smack these people on their head and says 'WAKE UP!!'

For the 1st girl, is there still a need to ask for advice? So stupid one.

For the 2nd guy, who rather die than to work..? Dun tell me there is not even a single job, not even clerical or waitering available? Dun tell me he rather die than work on an over-qualified job?

Apa dunia ini!!!

How crappy..

Adios. Grrr...

Earth Hour 2009

2009-03-22T23:43:00.015+08:00

Let's take a break from Krabi for something more important.

By now, I am sure everyone knows about itu Earth Hour. If you still duno hor, it's liddis one. This Saturday leh, on 28th March at 8.30pm, we need to switch off the lights for 1 hour. The reason is vey simple.

'On March 28 you can VOTE EARTH by switching off your lights for one hour.Or you can vote global warming by leaving your lights on.

The results of the election are being presented at the Global Climate Change Conference in Copenhagen 2009. We want one billion votes for Earth, to tell world leaders that we have to take action against global warming. '

I quote one lah. From the official website.

I not sure about the rest of the world. But here in KL, I am afraid the followings will happen lor...

Then, everyone switch off the lights..

One hour later..

Or worst still..

Then, everyone switch off the lights..

One hour later..

What? Not possible meh you think?

How crappy..

Adios.

ps: I am all out to support Earth Hour. This is just the lighter side of it :)

An Incomplete Guide to Krabi Part Three

2009-03-13T10:07:00.011+08:00

As mentioned last 2 episodes, we booked ourselves an islands hopping tour on the 2nd day of our trip at 1000 bahts per person, which includes lunch and of course, island hopping.

Early early morning the van came and pick us up to Aonang Beach for the departure. Before naik boat, as usual, we need to gather around for a session of rules and regulations like budak sekolah. Sometimes hor, you think all this is a waste of time listening to 'lectures' but I can say that, they are many dumbheaded people out there. Without this 'lectures', sure got people lost la, late la, fall into the sea la.. etc. No sinkalan you one.

After lectures, all school children line up and naik boat. See, so discipline. If no lectures, sure got hooligans cut queue one.

The journey to these islands abit far. But the sceneries are great and the speed of the boat is fast. The ventilation is good too. All these combinations, you wun feel sick sitting in the boat. If you still feel seasick, then you go hire a helicopter to bring you around.

Oklah, kidding. If you still seasick, just pop ur head out to look at the beautiful sea or pop a pill. Whichever you pop will sure makes you feel better..

The first Island is the one where they film the movie The Beach starring Leonardo. Nice place. As ususal, when a place is nice and popular, it will be crowded. Finding a place to lie down seems to be a challenge..

After the first beach, the rest, ermm, I have forgotten which is which. What I remember though, is boat moving, boat stop, jump from boat, snorkeling, naik boat, boat moving, boat stop, jump from boat, snorkeling, naik boat,boat moving, boat stop, jump from boat, snorkeling, naik boat.. few times. But the water is crystal clear with alot of fishes. Something that you can't find anywhere near in KL.

Just hold a bread, and all the fishes will surround you. It's fun to be surrounded by fishes.

Along the way, we passby the Viking Cave. Viking Cave? Thailand wor? Got vikings meh? Vikings only popular in Sunway Lagoon mah. But then the guide got say la. Last time got one angmor ship, called Viking. Found this cave and they decided to explore it la. They crews all stay in that cave for dunno how long. Now the garmen closed that cave to public because need to harvest bird nest. Disclaimer: Cannot confirm accuracy because I was busy ~~taking a nap~~ thinking something else.

The whole island hopping ends about 4pm. Then the van will bring us back to our apartments. On the way, we couldn't resist to ask the driver to stop by Mcdonald's to have our dose of Samurai Pork Burger.

Advice of the day: Be punctual if joining such trip to avoid embarrassment.

Example:

2 gays missing from the boat. Dunno go where making out.

Tourguide Michelle: We have 2 persons missing. Now we all have to wait for them.
All of us: *restless*
Tourguide Michelle: Next time whoever is late, penalty is 50 bahts.
All of us: *make mental note*
Tourguide Michelle: And have to give me a kiss.
All of us: *make a harder mental note*

Finally, the 2 gays came onboard while everyone looking at them, hoping very hard that Michelle will force them to kiss him. Him? Yes, Michelle is a guy previously and partially.

Coming up next: Tiger Cave!

How crappy..

Adios!

An Incomplete Guide to Krabi Part Two

2009-02-22T22:25:00.009+08:00

After settling down our stuff at the apartment, we terus called a tuktuk to bring us out to Aonang for Linner (Dunno what is Linner? Think brunch).

One thing bad about the apartment is that it's abit far from Aonang Beach. Walking takes about 20-30 minutes? So, everytime we need to go out we have to call a tuktuk, charging 20 bahts per person. When you start to bargain on this they will take out a price list dunno from where and says the fare to Aonang is 20 bahts each. Standard.

Since we are so hungry, we just walked into one place and order our food. We ordered some thai food which includes tomyam (my super fav food) and some other forgot-what-is-the-name stuff. Yummy!

The special thing about Krabi here is, every time they serves you rice, it will comes in a heart shape. The question is, do you have the heart to break the heart of a rice? Hell yes!

Besides Thai food, there's alot of stalls selling pancakes, with different flavors. They have banana pancakes, butter pancakes, strawberry pancakes, peanut butter pancakes and the list is long. This is the Nutella Pancake.

Taste good, but oily. Normally nice food are bad for health one hor? See this sista so concentrate in making one good pancake. Sista, if you got read this blog hor, I suggest a new pancake for you. Can try to make Tomyam Pancake mou?

Advice of the day: Thailand is the place to say SAI without really feeling bad about it.

Example:

Me: This one got SAI?
Seller: You what SAI?
Me: M SAI got?
Seller: Got M SAI got L SAI..
Me: M SAI tao rai...?

So, just feel free to say SAI whenever you wanna buy selipars, bermudas and shirts..

Coming up next: Islands hopping got what SAI to see? (I know wrong usage of the word SAI but I can't help it lor..)

How crappy..

Adios!

An Incomplete Guide to Krabi Part One

2009-02-19T01:22:00.010+08:00

Krabi? Where is it?

Someone asked. I say it's off the coast of Terengganu there one. She thought she learnt a new place in Malaysia. Anyway, before we start our virtual tour, let me brief you all about Krabi location first ok? The followings are facts ya. No sinkalan you yet ok..

Krabi is next to Phuket (Phuket also dunno where? Go fly kite..). To reach Krabi, you need to buy air ticket thru Air_Asia (eh tony, i help u promote here got any freebies ah?). Currently MAS no fly to Krabi, only AA got. The flight takes an hour plus from ~~KLIA~~ LCCT, so, it's pretty near. Drive also can la. But depends on what car. If setakat Kancil and family no need think ya...

OK, upon reaching Krabi International Airport, take a cab to Aonang Beach, the main tourist destination. Normally people will stay in hotels around this area. Convenience ma. Like people come KL holiday also stay near city center la, takkan go stay in Cheras like that. Betul tak? The van we took charge us 100 bahts per person. It's quite far hor.. about 30 minutes like that. No jam.

Upon reaching Aonang, check in your hotel, lepak a abit should be around 3pm local time. Nothing much to do lah. The time hanging like that. Let's see the hotel we booked:

This place is called Krabi Apartment (what a creative name). It has 3 floors with 3 units on each floor. I think the ground floor only got 1 unit. The apartment consist of 1 room, a toilet , a living hall and a kitchen. Not too big but enough to chill out for 4 persons (with 2 extra beds).

They have a mini pool which I sooo wanted to swim every morning but dun have the strong will to wake up.. Flesh is willing, but the spirit is weak... :) The simple receptionist who handles everything.

The next best thing to do after chilling out is go shopping along Aonang. Shopping here is not like shopping malls ok. It's like those roadside shops and it's da place to perform your negotiation skills. Here macam macam ada. Tshirt got, cap got, painting got, selipars la, sunglasses la, food la.. Neh, see this uncle so fast closed a deal for cheap slippers.

Oh ya, here also got alot of local travels that arrange day trips to all the surrounding islands. The average price is about 1,000 bahts per person, but maybe can nego sampai 900 bahts per person. We booked ourselves for an island hopping trip the next day..

Advice of the day: If you know a word or two Thai words, just keep it safely in your pocket.

Example:

Me: *lansi* Tao rai? (How much)

Seller: kilikulu-kilikulu-kilikulu (dunno what the hell she is saying)

Me: -__-" *sweat* Ahem, how much?

Seller: 300 bahts.

So, to avoid wasting time, just speaketh engrand..

Coming up next: Aonang Beach there got what?

How crappy..

Adios!

Ultimate CNY Quiz

2009-01-14T08:39:00.003+08:00

You know you are an Ahbeng or Ahlian but cannot confirm? Let's confirm this!

Chinese New Year kaming hor.. Chai Shern Dao liao.. Let do this simple test about your preparation for the new year to confirm you are an Ahbeng or Ahlian or not, k?

1) When you see 988 or MyFM CNY CD/DVD is out for sale:
a) You terus buy a copy (add 2 points)
b) Then go home and make copies (add 3 points)
c) Distribute to your friends for free (add 4 points)
d) Make copies and sell (add 10 points)

2) You dye your hair:
a) To a lighter shade (add 2 points)
b) Blonde color (add 3 points)
c) Red color (add 4 points)
d) With the word 'OX' in different color (add 10 points)

3) You buy new clothes for CNY:
a) Just 1 set for 1st day of CNY (add 2 points)
b) 2 sets for the first 2 days of CNY (add 3 points)
c) 15 sets sampai Chap Goh Mei (add 4 points)
d) All traditional Wong Fei Hoong style (add 10 points)

4) You send out SMS greetings:
a) To those who sent to you (add 1 point)
b) To all the close friends (add 2 points)
c) To everyone on your address book (add 3 points)
d) To strangers by random phone numbers (add 10 points)

5) All the 4-words CNY greetings:
a) You know by heart (add 2 point)
b) You know the meanings as well (add 3 points)
c) You know when is the good time to say (add 4 points)
d) You have your own new self-created greetings (add 10 points)

6) During reunion dinner:
a) Must have that black hairy fungus (fatt choy) (add 2 points)
b) Must have auspicious name dishes (add 3 points)
c) Force change the dish name ie Steamed Fish = Prosperity Steamed Happiness Fish (add 4 points)
d) In all the dishes inclusive plain rice ie Silver Richness Overflow Rice (add 10 points)

7) On CNY eve night, you:
a) Watch TV while eat kuaci with family (add 1 point)
b) Jeep Choy Sun (add 5 points)
c) Jeep Choy Sun with a Taoist Sifu (add 20 points)
d) Play lantern (add 30 points)

8) First Day of CNY (1):
a) Cannot sweep floor (add 2 points)
b) Although you forgot to sweep 1 week before CNY (add 3 points)
c) Although you spilt a bucket of sand on the way out to the garden (add 5 points)
d) Although the trash bag ripped on the way out to the dustbin outside (add 10 points)

9) First Day of CNY (2):
a) Cannot wash hair (add 2 points)
b) Although you forgot to wash 1 week before CNY (add 3 points)
c) Although got bird droppings on the way out to the garden (add 5 points)
d) Although there is a cockroach crawling around the hair (add 10 points)

10) You gamble during CNY:
a) Play blackjack with the kids ~~cheating~~ with their angpow money (add 2 points)
b) Continue playing for 15 days (add 5 points)
c) Go Genting and try your new year luck (add 10 points)
d) Continue gambling for 15 days (add 20 points)

11) During CNY (1):
a) You get emotional because another year is gone (add 2 points)
b) You get emotional because it's the time you see all ur family members (add 3 points)
c) You get emotional because the OX Year prediction says ur luck no good (add 5 points)
d) You get emotional because you need to give out angpows (add 10 points)

12) During CNY (2):
a) You are happy because it's new year (add 2 points)
b) You are happy because it's holidays (add 3 points)
c) You are happy because can get angpow (add 5 points)
d) You are happy because can gamble (add 10 points)

The result!

0-20 points: You are not a chinese
21-50: You are normal
51 and above: Just admit that you are Ahbeng and Ahlian..

How crappy..

Adios.

Football Management

2009-01-06T20:11:00.003+08:00

I am not sure if anyone noticed this ads on yesterday's newspaper from dunno what college offering cources in Football Management. The ads yelled something like this. 'Executive level can earn as much as RM200k plus annually. Other business/finance executive fresh grads can only earns RM20k annually. Manage the best football clubs in the world.' Something like that.

Wow! Isn't that tempting? If I just finished my SPM, I also wanna study Football Management man! Can earn 10 times more than a normal degree leh. Where to find?

But then hor, think la. What the difference if I say this, 'Finance/Accounting grads can earn as much as RM300k annually leading the BIG 5..'

The common issue is, how many rich football clubs are there in the world? And how many PWC, KPMG are there in the world? The answer is, only a handful. And how many graduates are fighting for these posts worldwide? Millions!

So let say I spent my money in getting a degree in Football Management, what's next? Fight with few millions of graduates worldwide for the post in the few EPL football clubs? Spanish Leagues? Persatuan Bola Sepak Malaysia?

Silap silap end up as 'Pegawai Sukan Kelab Bola Sepak Bawah 18 Tahun Kampung Buaya Utara (Zon 3)'.

And as always, I might be wrong :)

How crappy.

Adios.

War?

2008-12-28T22:25:00.004+08:00

The followings are my personal opinion jek. Dun take it personally k..? You know la, nowadays blog also dangerous. Say something wrong people tot u declaring war liddat.. aii...

Ok, liddis. Not sure everyone knows or not, these days Kenny Sia is getting alot of negative publicity, thanks to his hate blog, KennySai. Before I start, lemme begin with my personal opinions on Kenny Sia.

I used to read Kenny Sia's blog since many years ago when I started my old blog. He is funny and a good writer. Sometimes I laugh at his entries. It's entertaining. But then, when he first joined MDG as a judge, my impression on him went downhill. The reason is, he is too immature to judge a beauty contest. All the 'Wow', "Look at that..', 'You are my favourite'... Come on Kenny, you are there to judge. At least show some professionalism. But if I remember correctly later after the show he acknowledged that and explained that it was the MDG's producer idea to have him being liddat. But damages had been done. He already gave me this hamsup and unprofessional impression.

Anyway, back to the war story. Apparently this Kennysai guy (or girl, I dunno) keep biting Kenny Sia without having any sign of letting go. Kenny Sia posted 1 entry, Kennysai flamed him with 1 million entries. Kenny Sia says 1 sentence, Kennysai can interprete his sentence into a novel. Then we have a shodowfox guy who compiled the whole saga of Kenny Sia cheating behind his gf with an affair with ICQ. This issue balloned until rumors saying ICQ is pregnant with Kenny's baby and he forced her to abortion.

Then we have readers from all over the place adding salt and vinegar to this and voila, new stories are being spread around like wildfire. People like to read exciting stories, although it's not true. For example, you put 2 books on the table. 1 entitled 'Mary and Her Apple: A True Story'. The other one is 'Mary and Her Exchanted Apple'. Which one is more attractive? Which one will you read?

I am not sure if any these accusations are true but come on la.. it's his personal life! Just because ICQ blogged about this by hinting something (err, I didn't read ICQ's blog before actually, but based on what I read in shadowfox), everyone started to give their conclusion as if they are there witnessing the whole thing. What if it really happens? Who are we to judge him? Hello, it's not even in his own blog. It's not even coming out from his own mouth. It's from a 3rd party and everyone started to throw stones at him.

Then Kenny is being accused of plagiarising entries from other bloggers. He says it's coincidence. The world says he plagiarised. The post is about the official World Cup football resembles a sanitary pad. Actually when I first saw the ball, I have the similar thoughts. How come the design looks like a pad? Since I dun live by my blog, it's just a thought. I dun blog every single thing that comes into my mind. There are millions of blogs around. So, by writing a similar post on something that is so popular, is it plagiarising? Maybe he is, maybe he is not. I dunno. But then again, it's his blog what.. We didn't pay a single sen to read his blog.

Yikes, this is getting too long.. Ok, stop now temporarily. Recess time. Will continue again later..

How crappy..

Adios.

Life Lesson # 125

2008-11-29T12:47:00.005+08:00

Today, you will learn something that you might not know that you don't know because you thought you already know everything but actually there are still stuff that you don't know that you don't know.

Wow, that's a mouthful. Anyway..

Lemme present to you, Life Lesson #125!

Do not do this.....

...when boarding a plane.

Please remember ok?

This is a community service specially brought to you by Sinkalan.

How crappy..

Adios!

ps: muniandy, sorry for posting your pic. if you happen to see this, go eat capati ok? on me.

Happy Birthday To You!

2008-11-22T17:23:00.004+08:00

Not sure if you notice this. Or just me.

Do you have friends celebrating his or her birthday this month? November babies? Anyone? November is somehow a birthday month. Many people celebrate their birthday. So, this month is extra pokai becos need to buy dinner for birthday friends.

Even that day when my office organised the monthly birthday party, November is the most number of collegues birthday. More than 10 of them. Some even share the same birthday. Normal months we have about 4-5 people but November... record breaking.

The only answer to this unusual phenomenon is....

Chinese New Year.

Ha, you see, Chinese New Year normally falls on which month, children?

*FEBRUARY..!*

Correct. And 9 months after February is what month, children?

*NOVEMBER..!*

Correct again!

So, no matter apa bangsa dan agama, CNY everyone happy becos holiday. And when holiday nothing to do, people will do what, children?

*TIU....*

Wait! What is the Engrish word for that?

*HAVE SE...*

Hold it! What is the more sopan word for that?

*MAKE LO....*

Nope.. a more sopan word?

*Ekek...*

Correct!

So, the conclusion is, CNY many people ekek one..

By the way, my papa also celebrating his birthday this month..

Ahyeh and Ahmah.. now we know what you all did during CNY 60 years ago!!

Happy birthday, papa..

How crappy..

Adios!

Yoga Same Category As Charsiu?

2008-11-02T22:17:00.004+08:00

Class, today's discussion is on the recent hooha on Yoga. What? Dunno? Liddis u dem out. If dunno what is the issue, go read here, ok?

Anyway, according to some pannai people, yoga is considered not halal becos it relates to Hinduism rituals. And by practising yoga, the pannai people will fear that they could deviate from the teachings of Islam. He also says this can lead to a serious crime according to syariah law (Islamic law) and this can destroy the family institution. Not I say one ok. I quote only.

For once, I agree 100% on this. True mah. How can a muslim performs rituals of anoder faith, kan? Dun care la, u do with a conscience mind or not. Not relevant. Dun care la, u do becos for good health or worshipping other God. Not relevant. Important thing is, you did something which goes againts the undang undang agama.

By the way, while we are at this, I suggest Muslim should be ban from visiting Batu Caves also from now on. Same theory what.. Hindu goes up tht hundreds of steps to reach the temple there. So, Muslim walking that steps also same like yoga, doing something which belongs to the other religion. Betul tak?

Oh, how about travelling on roads that pass thru temples or churches? Those roads are used by other devotees to go to their houses of worships also wo.. Is travelling on those roads can also leads deviation of the Muslim faith?

Another thing. Since talk until so serious, that yoga can 'lead to a serious crime according to syariah law (Islamic law) and this can destroy the family institution', ISA will tangkap or not ah?

How? Anyone can provide me answers?

Confuse la..

How crappy.

Adios.

Win-Win Shituation

2008-10-23T16:36:00.001+08:00

Ladies and genitalmens, today I wanna talk about a win-win situation.

It's liddis, that day I came across an ads that offer dunno wht services to expecting couples that they can choose the gender of their future kids. In the ads, there got write there big big 'Money Back Guaranteed'. Ok, before we proceed, let's see what are the possible services that this company can offer sin ok. I dun think there is any products involved. Most likely is the advice on diets la, ek-ek positions la, things to do la, things not to do la, maybe some herbs la.. etc..

So, let's say I wan a baby girl. So I pay RMXXXX. Then tiba tiba come out is a baby boy. How? Yay! I get my money fully refunded. Betul tak? But hor, if u look at company side, it's just like a Big-Small gamble. I collect money from you, then I ask you do this do that. If kena, I keep the money, if tak kena, I give you back your money. So, it's a win-win situation kan?

Can we use the same concept on this blog ah? Liddis, before you read, you deposit RM50 into my account. After you read, and u learnt something new, then I keep the RM50. If you think u wasted your time reading this blog, then I refund back the 50 bucks. T&C applied hor..

T&C: You must do a brain scan at your own expenses that you have learnt nothing new while reading this blog.

You think can or not..?

How crappy..

Adios.

Good Morning?

2008-10-06T17:30:00.002+08:00

Good Morning!

The other day, I mean night, I was a little hungry after work. The time was about 2am. I drove my car to a McD Drive Thru so that I can munch a healthy Big Mac before I sleep. Upon reaching the ordering window, I was greeted 'Selamat Pagi'. Of course techinically, the girl there is correct. After 12am is obviously the next morning. But since I am half dead from work, the sky is dark and I am going home to sleep, 'Selamat Pagi' seems to be a bit weird.

Then again when I collect my juicy ~~Krabby Patties~~ Big Mac, the waitress flashed a million dollar smile and wished me 'Selamat Pagi' again. Dun get me wrong ok, I am not complaining. I must say McD's Drive Thru counter at 24 hrs now is really convenient. And the service is fast and friendly too.

Let's do a short analysis here:

12am to 11.59am = Good Morning
12noon to maybe 6pm= Good Afternoon
6pm to 1159pm = Good Evening

Goodnite is when leaving or mau tidur time.

See ah, this means Good Morning is 50% of the day. Freaking 12 hours! Where got morning so long one? So, my suggestion is, from 12am to 6am, should be another greeting. Something that suits that moment.

Since that time is between morning and night, shall we name it Noling? Good Noling! Norning is abit difficult to pronounce. Bit tounge twister. 'Might' oredi taken. And Good Might also sounds abit out, kan?

12am to 6am = Good Noling
6am to 12noon = Good Morning
12noon to maybe 6pm= Good Afternoon
6pm to 1159pm = Good Evening

Baru balance, right? Now, which department should I submit my application?

What ridiculous? 15 years ago got the term Brunch meh? Think and see..

How crappy..

Adios.

Best Answer Ever

2008-09-21T17:35:00.002+08:00

The setori is liddis..

Yesterday leh I went to The Curve this IT Hyperstore. Think think wanna buy some blank rewriteable DVDs to burn some movies one.. Then I saw got la 2 types of DVDs.. 1 is DVD-RW and the other one is DVD+RW..

Being an IT illerate, I look around to see got any sales guy to tell me wht's the difference onot. Then hor a smiley face guy came forward becos maybe he saw my blur face. I no waste time straight away asked him la, apa diference between these 2 types of DVDs...

He pointed at the first one with the DVD-RW and says, 'This one is rerecordable one..' Eh, this is the exact words on the cover.. I also know how to read la. Nevermind.. I ask again. 'So this one leh?' while pointing at the DVD+RW DVD.

He smiles at me, then say, 'This one is rewriteable one..' Ermm.. he reads from the cover again.

Ok, so I looked at him... 'So wht's the difference..?'

He suddenly looked lost, and look back at the DVDs, to read again the cover. And then I got the best answer ever...

'No difference one..'

WOI! Takkan no difference people wanna name it DVD+RW and DVD-RW kan? For fun ah?

Anyway, I gave up and grabbed the one with DVD+RW. Based on my CSI mind, I think the DVD-RW which says rerecordable is most likely for the use of those handycam that use DVD for recording one la... At least if you tell me that although is wrong I will still believe la..

No difference? Isn't that the best answer eva?

How crappy..

Adios!

Hard To Say I am Sorry..

2008-09-07T00:21:00.002+08:00

Not the song la, I wanna crap about the recent 'in' issue on the racist remark by our beloved garmen.. Well, he represent the garmen ma, he is the garmen geh horse, so, whatever he says is garmen says la..! Dun care.

Before that, something I really dun und. Let say I keep a diary. I wrote my opinion on the recent garmen. Negative opinion la. The the diary got stolen and someone duplicate it and make 1 million copies and distribute it. Can I be charged of being seditious mou?

So, when Malaysia Today kena blocked, why leh? The author did not sent out the link to the whole world to read what. It's a website, people login to that site based on own freewill. Ngam mou? The author can write whatever shit in it ma.. Not liddat one meh? Oklah, let say the author wrote baseless accusation. So what? It's his or her website what. It's just like his or her diary. He did not force anyone to read. People read based on their own discretion la.. No meh? Dunnolah..

Anyway, back to that racist remark. Occasionally I read Mahathir's Chedet site. I read because sometimes he got points on why this and that happened. But his recent entry on this issue makes me ponder again. Is he racist also? He says the Negarakuku song also poke fun on racial thingy and why the singer no say sorry but now this particular politician gotta say sorry. Eh, no meh? He got say sorry ma. The fadder and MCA also say sorry wat. And by the way, what's the big deal of someone with no political influence poke fun at racial thingy? Any Ali, Ah Chong and Muthu also can say something that upset another race. But the different now is these words came out from a politician. He represent the garmen. His words are much more heavier than any Ali, Ah Chong and Muthu. I say this toilet is dirty. No one will take any action. YB Alibaba says the same toilet is dirty. Next day, someone will built a new toilet with gold toilet bowl. Get the drift?

Come on lah, if you wanna label me as immigrant, then at least you exempt me from paying the taxes. You tax me, but not recognise my existence as legitimit. I pay the same tax, but I can never have the same rights? Make sense mou?

Frankly I dun care who take over as the garmen. At least put some efforts in making this country a better place to live in la, and not making it more difficult for anyone. I really dunno where this country is heading to, but I hope someday, in this life, I can see everyone appreciate everyone without looking at the skin color. But I know the chances are very slim.

Now dun tell me this entry is seditious.

How crappy..

Adios.

Free Loader Fwens

2008-08-27T10:59:00.002+08:00

Many moon ago while me and my frens were working part time in a trading company, we got to know this lady.. err.. that time is a girl la.. i think 2-3 years older than us..

That time was after our SPM, so when results is out all of us hampalang resign lah, all back to school or back to college. But one of my fren, still keep contact with this girl and once a while when we come out for makan, this girl will join us.. So we guys just buy her lah.. All act genitalmen..

When we grow older, we seldom meet up anymore. All busy with their own stuff, where got so much time to meet? Got time also blog lah.. ngam mou?

Ok, abit of that girl story before we continue ok.. After she resigned from that company, she worked as a full time tutor. But I think she got side business like those MLM kind of thing. I duno. She got give name card before but I dunno phek jor hui pin..

Back to the story. Since she is a tutor, she is very free one. She dun teach every hour of the day. Just few hours only. So, whenever she is around my office, she will ring me up for lunch. 1st time, oklah, I pick up the bill. No problem. 2nd time, ok, I still pick up the bill. 3rd time, 4th time I bit tulan oredi. Hello, when we meet up, we dun eat at those kedai kopi u know. She picks the restaurant one. Summore those high high tei class restaurant. When the bill come, she dun even move an inch to reach for her purse. She just sit there and sip her iced lemon tea..

Anyway, few times oredi, I boh song liao. Then one day while me and my frens meet up for talk cock, one of my fren brings up this issue. They say she also look for them sometimes and also dun wanna pay. Just makan saja.. And he lagi teruk, she brings one of them go eat steaks during lunch time.

Few days later after we found out her modus operandi, she called me.. Say she is around my office and ask me to go lunch again. That time I told her I am not free as I have another lunch appointment. Since then, I've never heard from her anymore.

That was like 2 years ago. And by the way, I dun even know her full name until now. Just her engrand name saja..

How crappy hor..

Adios.

Tiong Hua Hor Lim Pik

2008-08-10T13:44:00.000+08:00

080808 Olympic just kicks off 2 days ago.

On that particular Friday, I told my boss I will be home tonite at 8pm to watch the opening ceremony of the Beijing Olympic. He says he dunno what's so good about watching the opening ceremony. Not to say I am a sports fan..

I thought of a while.. He is right. I am not a sports fan. Well, I do like sports, but i prefer to play in it, rather than to watch it. Believe me, I never watched before any sports from start till end. Except a few EPL matched last time.

Badminton? Maybe a match or two during the Thomas Cup final. And that's when Malaysia is playing.

Golf? Faster change channel if there is any golf showing on TV.

Tennis? Max is like 20 minutes? Unless it's Women's single or double. Then can watch longer.

Swimming? Besides Olympic got other swimming competition one meh?

Bowling? Lagi tak tahan. Boring like shit.

Got 1 time I watch F1 with some friends.. Oh my... dem boring.. What's so exciting about seeing cars racing with each other, legally? I secretly hope that someone crash the car.

Dan lain lain all I no watch.. So, how come I am so excited about the opening ceremony of the Olympic?

Then suddely I turn around and answer him this, 'You no undestand lah, this time is the kebanggaan rakyat Tionghua...'

Seriously lah, do you feel abit bangga this time China host the game (if you are orang tionghua)? If yes. why leh? You orang China meh? You orang Malaysia tau!

How crappy.

Adios.

Auhuet Colleague

2008-08-07T00:24:00.000+08:00

I got this extremely lazy ex collegue. Lazy until I auhuet. Ex becos he left the office last month.

Why lazy? Let's see:

Every week he will sick for a day or two. Every.fucking.week. If that week he is not sick, something bad will happen to him. Amongst the reasons he gave for not coming to work: uncle pass away, grandma pass away, accident (bike kena langgar at highway), house kena masuk pencuri, car breakdown etc.

The best part was, boss believes every single reason he gave. The rest of us suffer la. Whenever he din show up we all gotta do his work. Tiu.

Finally, the bestest excuse he gave for not turning up at work: someone wanted to kill him. He claimed that someone send a threatening SMS to him, saying wanting him to be dead. So, he called up boss and say he afraid to leave the house. And boss did the best thing. Hired a security guard to standby outside the office. Just in case tht 'assailant' turn up at the office to kill him. *slap forehead, roll eyes, vomit blood, pengsan*

So, recently he tendered his resignation, saying a huge MNC wanted to hire in to be based in Spore. We are very happy. But insider news revealed that he wanted to ask for a raise but got turned down. So, he gotta accept the Spore offer. After he left, he message my colleage says he is not going Spore anymore. Another company wanted him to join them in NY. *slap forehead, roll eyes, vomit blood, pengsan, vomit blood again and pengsan another time*

Oh, did I mention that he is just 25 and joined us for less than 6 months?

How crappy.

Adios!